Broken

It occurs to me that I'm never going to cry over this.  Not really.  Nothing more than getting a little choked up.

And trust me, it not because I am some stoic tough guy.

I'm perfectly capable of crying.  And the older I get, the more it happens.  Sappy commercials, yeah they get me.  The part of any show when the day has been saved and who ever is sees who ever again.  The beginning of a football game, seeing those players standing there amped with adrenaline and emotion waiting to go out and play while the National Anthem plays.  Those things make me misty.

And boy, when my childhood comic book heroes come to life on the big screen... and the scene feels like what I've been reading in the books all of my life, the tears just stream down my face.  When Captain America calls all of the Avengers together for the first time and gives them instructions, waterworks.  When he finishes with the line, Hulk smash, I'm no good.  I'm getting a little misty just remembering it.

And don't get me started on Star Wars.  I will lose my shit in the theater the first time they show Princess Leia on the screen in this next movie.

My wife leaving me.  Nothing.

I have a theory on this.  When bad things happen, I don't cry or I don't let myself.  So my body/heart/whatever compensates by letting it out on other safer emotional moments.

I'm kinda broken that way.

With a post title like broken, you were expecting something a little more depressing... weren't you?  I'm not in the mood for depressing right now.

I'm actually in a very strange mood.  Yeah, I'm tired, drained and all that shit.  But I feel some sort of  energy.  Perhaps it is the manic side to this depression.  But I really don't care.  I haven't had this kind of energy in 7 weeks.

I really don't know how to describe it.  I mean I really don't... I've just written and deleted a paragraph trying several times now.  I give up.

It's Friday, tonight makes seven weeks, I'm alone this weekend and I have no plans.  And I don't give a shit.

Go figure.