Curve balls (part one)

Today is the end of the pay period.  I worked 53 hour this week, 98 for the period.  I guess that is a little nuts, but it makes me feel good.

I am trying to settle in to this new normal and I think I've been relatively successful at that.  But sometimes life throws a curve and it makes it clear to me, that I'm still adjusting, still learning and still healing.

I've been working hard to be at peace with the fact that I may never do the kind of work I was doing previously.  Making peace with that has been relieved a lot stress. 

And then today I checked my phone and saw I missed a call and had a message.  This is usually scammers or debt collectors.  Today it was a recruiter.  I had talked to him before, back in July.  He never came up with any opportunities for me. (Although he was confident that he could place me any number of places.  Recruiters are always confident that they can place you.)  He has an opportunity for me now.  With a company that I applied for a position with in August.  I had two phone interviews, but they went in a different direction.

I will admit to you (but maybe not to anyone else) that I seriously considered not responding.  This company already rejected me once, why would they like me now?  And they have my info, if they really might like me for this position, why is a recruiter reaching out to me, instead of the hiring manager?  I guess you can tell that I'm not optimistic about this.  Why should I be?  I've been down this road dozens of times in the last twelve months.  But I will have a call with Robert the Recruiter tomorrow (later today) before I go to work.

I will it give my best, even while being direct with Robert the Recruiter about these questions I have.  But I do not expect anything to come of it. 

Here's the thing, if this would work out (it won't), I would feel awful giving notice at my current job.  They appreciate me.  I make a difference.  The pay is kind of shit, but they will value me as long as I work there.  This new opportunity throws me back into the cut throat world that will get rid of you cause of... you know... it's just business.  But the pay is actually more than I made before.

I mean they appreciate the hell out of me.  The manager on duty tonight (or last night at this point) checked with me to make sure it wouldn't cause me heartburn if let me go a little early since we were slow and I'm pulling overtime.  I know how business works, I expected them to cut me at 8:00.  (I was there till 11:00.)  For them to show that courtesy to someone who hasn't been there a month yet, is awesome.

And all the uncertainty that new job opportunity brings with it is, well, overwhelming.  I am just trying to get my feet underneath me.  I guess no one really understands that.  I should be jumping for joy that this came to me out of the blue.  But instead, I'm filled with dread.

I'll keep you updated, but seriously... I'm not expecting anything to come of this.  (And if you are thinking that i should keep an open mind and be optimistic... then you don't understand how hard this roller-coaster of optimism, waiting and then rejection has been for me.)